Why I Don't Share Food...

I have a lot of food memories from my childhood. BIG shock there right? The girl who has battled her weight(and mainly lost? What's next? The new pope being Catholic? I mean really people. There is a episode of Friends where the running joke is "Joey doesn't share food". That is the line repeated throughout the episode for laughs. My story isn't as funny oe well acted. I try not to share food with anyone. Not because I want all the food to myself, but because I fear that is what people think. As a kid on Sunday afternoons after church on the way home we would often stop at the gas station and get one drink and potato wedges. My mom, dad and sister(this was before the baby was born) would share these while driving around. We truly were those people with no where to go and all day to get there. It was cheap entertainment for people on a limited budget...or poor people as we called ourselves back in the day. There were a more than a few times that I got the last of drink of soda or the last potato wedge and became the brunt of some good natured ribbing. No one ever tried to hurt my feelings and quite honestly it doesn't take much to hurt them. This joking around spilled over as I got older. I became very self conscious of taking the first or last of anything. I didn't and still don't want people to think that I'm "hogging" the food as my uncle once told his girlfriend. Rule number one - Don't ask for anything. Rule number two - Don't share food or drinks. I broke that second rule recently. A friend of mine asked if I wouldn't mind sharing a sandwich and chips. I didn't see where it would be a problem. I told my friend beforehand that this would be my supper meal. The sandwich part was fine as the place had sliced it in half. I opened the chips and began eating them. After a time I told my friend that I am eating the chips and again reminded that this was my supper meal. This person had previous mentioned that they would be eating later and that this was just a snack. My friend then asked to have what was left of the chips. It wasn't much but I obliged. After we had completed eating my friend asked if I wanted dessert. I politely said no. She then implied that since I had ate all of the chips that I should pay for her dessert. All of those issues of being teased and the feelings of humilation came rushing back to the surface. Did my friend think I was a pig? Why did I agree to share? I grew angry at myself for agreeing to the meal and at my friend for what I felt was emotional blackmail. Feelings aren't right or wrong. They just are. My friend apologized once I explained myself. I wish I could say that I'm fine and that it doesn't bother me anymore. Unfortunately it does. Not as much as it did in the past thankfully as I have changed. But the fat little girl I was still lives inside of me and she struggles to let it go. And that my friends is why this girl doesn't share food....