I have been away from blogging for some time now. I would love to tell you that
I was off completing my great American novel or making the next Oscar winning
film But to quote Jules, "We both now that s*** ain't true." What I have been
doing is surviving. It's that plain and simple.
In November 2010 my dad
had a liver transplant. I still remember the morning he got the call. He wasn't
sure he wanted to do it. As we drove to the hospital he even said half jokingly
"We should turn the car around." I told him to do that if it was truly what he
desired. In that moment though, I wanted him to get the transplant. I thought
that this was the way I got to keep him for another twenty years.
I
won't go into too many detail but my dad 5 surgeries in the next three or so
weeks (including another transplant). I was still trying to work 45 hours a week
and when I wasn't at work I was usually at the hospital. I slept maybe four or
five hours a night. My life revolved around my dad and his health. My phone was
never out of sight and usually on my person. It was my life line to the most
important man in my life. Or as my best friend Amy said, the love of my
life.
On the morning of December 23rd I was sleeping when I received the
call from my mom. She told me that they were in with my dad. I needed to get to
the hospital. It was 6AM. I stumbled around in the dark, called my sister, and
was in the car in less than 5 minutes. I live right outside of Louisville, KY.
The hospital was a 40 minute drive on most days. It felt like hours that
morning. I was less than ten minutes away when the phone rang again. It was mom
again. She told me he was gone. I screamed No into the phone repeatedly. I had
always made fun of such moment in films (i.e. Stars Wars). What I realize now is
when you are told something that catastrophic you brain goes into instant
denial. It couldn't be true.
I don't remember hanging up with my mom but
I did. I called my uncle (mom's brother) and told him. It would be the beginning
of many dreadful phone calls I would make that day. I really think that one of
the worst things a person can do is have to inform someone that their sibling
has passed. My dad had eight living siblings, it felt neverending. With each
call I would have to break the news and then explain what little details we had
at that moment. It was horrible.
Since dad died I struggle daily with
missing him. So right now I am surviving. I
refuse to say I'm broken...I'm just a little bruised.
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